Airlines are constantly re-inventing their inflight safety videos to get the attention of passengers. British Airways has just debuted the newest edition of their safety video made in partnership with Comic Relief.
The video features British stars (in order of appearance); comedian Asim Chaudhry playing the “director” of the safety video, Chabuddy G., and as themselves Sir Michael Caine, Bond actress Naomie Harris, actress Joanna Lumley, supermodel Jourdan Dunn, comedian David Walliams, and actress Olivia Colman. British Airways will show the video on short distance flights starting later this month, and on long distance flights starting in August.
The video “director” Chabuddy G. starts the video saying “Sure, they’ve got their BAFTAs, they’ve got their Oscars — but what they really want, is a SISTA — the Society of In-flight Safety Training Awards,”
New British Airways safety video
British Airways safety video 2017
The earlier edition featured celebrities Gillian Anderson, Rowan Atkinson, Jim Broadbent, Rob Brydon, Warwick Davis, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Jess Glynne, Ian McKellen, Thandie Newton and Chef Gordon Ramsay.
Video transcript 2018 edition
CHABUDDY: After the success of last year’s inflight safety video, lots more ‘actors’ have been in touch, being like Chabuddy please let us be part of the sequel – pathetic really you know. And sure, they’ve got their BAFTAs, they’ve got their Oscars – but what they really want, is a SISTA – the Society of Inflight Safety Training Awards. They all want to get their hands on the golden wings! I quite fancy some wings actually – can someone go chicken shop?
SIR MICHAEL: And you are?
CHABUDDY: My name’s Chabuddy G.
SIR MICHAEL: Chip butty what?
CHABUDDY: No no Chabuddy G – chip butty is a sandwich.
SIR MICHAEL: Do we get a sandwich?
CHABUDDY: No no I’m directing – there’s no sandwich.
SIR MICHAEL: It’s alright – I’ll take it from here.
SIR MICHAEL (To camera): Hello. We’ll now demonstrate the safety features on this aircraft. Please pay attention, as these may differ from an aircraft that you’ve flown on before.
CHABUDDY: Classic. That was really good. I think I would have done it like that actually.
SIR MICHAEL: Yeah, alright.
CHABUDDY: The name’s G, Chabuddy G.
CHABUDDY: Naomie – I was doing James Bond. Because you’re in it aren’t you?
NAOMIE HARRIS: Yeah I am in it, yeah.
NAOMIE HARRIS (To camera): Hand baggage should not block the aisles or exit. It must be put under the seat in front of you or in an overhead locker. Please place items in the locker carefully as they may fall out and injure someone.
CHABUDDY: I’m feeling shaken AND stirred.
CHABUDDY: And you are… Jo – Jona – Jonana Lumaley?
JOANNA LUMLEY: Joanna, Joanna Lumley.
CHABUDDY: Right – OK this is a very important scene because you’ve got to handle some props. Have you done prop work before?
JOANNA LUMLEY: Yeah.
CHABUDDY: You have? OK. Action!
JOANNA LUMLEY: All exits are clearly marked and are being pointed out to you now by our gorgeous cabin crew. [Holds up sign that says “Please watch your cabin crew”] CHABUDDY: Now you’ve done prop work before I can see you have. I’m very impressed with you. Keep impressing me.
JOANNA LUMLEY: Opening the doors automatically inflates the evacuation slides. High-heeled shoes must be taken off as they may tear the slide. Don’t worry you’ll all still look… absolutely fabulous without them.
JOANNA LUMLEY: Is that strictly necessary?
CHABUDDY: Yeh – otherwise people won’t know who you are.
CHABUDDY: I’m actually a model myself.
JOURDAN DUNN: Oh really? What kind of modelling?
CHABUDDY: Plus size male modelling actually. What have you done?
JOURDAN DUNN: Like Vogue and stuff –
JOURDAN DUNN: Vogue.
JOURDAN DUNN: Vogue.
JOURDAN DUNN: Please now fasten your seatbelt. It must be worn whenever the signs are on and it is fastened, and adjusted, like this. And opened like this.
CHABUDDY: Brilliant! That’s it. Let’s get a selfie.
JOURDAN DUNN: Right, right now?
CHABUDDY: C’mon let’s get a selfie!
JOURDAN DUNN: I mean normally I would be on the other side.
CHABUDDY: No no this is my best side so we should probably just stick with that. But let’s see your smouldering face – let’s see your smeyes-ing.
JOURDAN DUNN: Are you alright? A bit up like, there.
CHABUDDY: Let the pro do it.
JOURDAN DUNN: Just more up towards the light? You have to – there you go. Lighting.
CHABUDDY: Yeah I’ll give you some tips you’re not that good. Mine is better. Look.
SIR MICHAEL: If the cabin air supply fails, oxygen will be provided. Masks, like this, will appear automatically. Stay in your seat and pull the mask towards you. Place the mask over your mouth and nose, like this, and breathe normally.
CHABUDDY: I do sound like Tom Hardy in this.
SIR MICHAEL: You’re bleedin’ Laural and Hardy you are.
CHABUDDY: What I need from you is a little bit of oomph.
DAVID WALLIAMS: …more oomph?
CHABUDDY: More oomph. Let’s go.
DAVID WALLIAMS: Your life jacket is underneath or beside your seat. If required, please remove the jacket from its container and pull it on over your head.
CHABUDDY: Don’t stop now, c’mon c’mon!
DAVID WALLIAMS: And please do not inflate your life jacket until you’ve left the aircraft.
CHABUDDY: Yeah, too much. You’ve spoilt it.
CHABUDDY: Before take-off please ensure your seat is in the upright position, with armrests down, and your table is folded away. If seated by a window please ensure the blind is open or it is set to clear.
CHABUDDY: See there you go – that’s more your level. Well done.
CHABUDDY: Guys, director is parched. Where is my coffee? Ah there we go. Thank you darling. Cappuccino yeah, 4 sugars?
OLIVIA COLMAN: Actually I’ve come to read for the audition.
CHABUDDY: Aw the tea lady wants to audition?
OLIVIA COLMAN: I’ve got 3 BAFTAs actually. Smoking is not permitted anywhere whilst on board and this includes the washrooms which are fitted with smoke detectors. Using E-cigarettes is not allowed either. That OK?
CHABUDDY: Hmm? Oh to be honest I haven’t listened to a word you said. This coffee is disgusting.
OLIVIA COLMAN: Do you know what? You’re a really rude little man with a horrible ponytail. And that’s my coffee.
CHABUDDY: It’s a nice ponytail.
NAOMIE HARRIS: In the unlikely event of an emergency landing, you will be told to adopt this protective brace position. [2 second pause] If facing rearwards, in Club World, you must adopt this position. [2 second pause] If you have any questions, please ask your cabin crew.
CHABUDDY: I was just wondering Naomie – has there ever been an Asian bond?
OLIVIA COLMAN: And now, the reason this is so close to our hearts.
SIR MICHAEL: Naomie, over to you.
NAOMIE HARRIS: You’ll also find the Flying Start donation envelope in your seat area. And it would be wonderful – if you’ve got any spare change, in any currency, if you could find it, take it out, and put it in the envelope.
JOANNA LUMLEY: On behalf of British Airways, Comic Relief and Flying Start…
DAVID WALLIAMS: …thank you for your attention and your kind donations.
OLIVIA COLMAN: Every penny of which will help children all over the world living really tough lives.
NAOMIE HARRIS: If you have any questions, or you can’t find your safety card…
JOURDAN DUNN: …or if you’ve mislaid your magical flying start envelope…
DAVID WALLIAMS: …please ask one of your cabin crew members.
SIR MICHAEL: And have a good flight.
NAOMIE HARRIS: Oh my god.
CHABUDDY: What is that? What’s in a martini? It’s just pure wodka.